Sunday, April 1, 2012

Who is the Bully?

 The biggest misconception about bullying in the schools, is that parents know. Undeniably that is untrue.  I couldn't even begin to count how many news channels, lifestyle channels, written reports,,internet sites, bullying sites and the list goes on that states it is VERY COMMON for parents not to know their child is being bullied. The reason is because the victim is embarrassed or humiliated to tell their parents that their PEERS are bullying them. Children are predispositioned to want their parents to be proud of them, especially when it comes to school. Being popular and well liked is something most children strive for, but to inform their parent[s] that they are not, can be be a gut wrenching experience.
 Talk to a number of children who are bullied and they will tell you when they notify the teachers that Johnny is hitting them, calling him names kicking him etc., the teacher will say," go sit down, you are being a tattle tale". I hear these stories all the time. Sometimes the child believes the parent or teacher cannot stop the bully, so why bother telling them. And then there is the issue of the bully.  Bully's don't see themselves as bully's.  Bullies are a product of their environment, they are mean, aggressive children who have been ingrained to behave they way they do through what they see, for example domestic violence in the home.  Most bullies are self confident with larger than life egos.  They feel superior, however if that superiority is threatened in anyway, it can be a dangerous thing.  Either they find a target or take itout on one they feel threatened by.   Most of the time though it goes undocumented until the child reports the bullying to the parent and the parent notifies the school.  But as we will learn notifying the school does not necessary solve the problem. 

So who is the bully?  We have discussed signs to look for if your child is being bullied.  But there are moms and dads out there who want to know if their son is a bully.  Maybe they have been notified  their child is bullying other children in school.  Here are some of the signs and symptoms according to expert
 Marlene Snyder, Ph.D.

The bully: signs and symptoms

A youngster who is bullying other kids may display one or more of the following behaviors at home*:
  • Has a strong need to dominate and subdue others; asserts himself with power and threats to get his own way.
  • Intimidates his siblings or kids in the neighborhood.
  • Brags about his actual or imagined superiority over other kids.
  • Is hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and has low frustration tolerance. Has difficulty conforming to rules and tolerating adversities and delays. If he has the impulsive/hyperactive type of AD/HD, that could explain some of these behaviors; if so, it's important to work with his doctor and teachers to address and manage such behaviors.
  • Cheating
  • Oppositional, defiant, and aggressive behavior toward adults, including teachers and parents.
  • Antisocial or criminal behavior (such as stealing or vandalism), often at a relatively early age. He may hang out with the "wrong crowd."
Again these children are learning many of these behavior at home.  There was a study that the CDC conducted last year and it was concluded that many of the children who bully have witnessed domestic violence or have been a victim of domestic violence. Parents need to be cognizant on what goes on in the home. 


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  2. I got more information from this site than I have from a bunch of google searching. If I could find an attorney in SouthWest Michigan to do a class action suit against a Catholic school I would be thrilled. Parents of children who are bullied don't know what avenue to take. We have already tried peaceful solutions with the school. If I could have $10.00 for each time the Principal told my daughter to get a thicker skin. I would be on vacation thanks to his contributions. I appreciate the information.