Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Bullies grow up and Bully! But they got to come from somewhere!

This article is great example of why bullies ARE bullies.  The truth if it were to be known is plain and simple, it is a way to simply get what one wants.  It could range from things, to power, notoriety, control, popularity.  Some bullies feel a sense of helplessness and the only way to regain their sense of well being is to take over another person by bullying.  And remember it is not all about physical abuse.  Bullying happens frequently in the workplace as to allow the boss or supervisor to take control over an employee he or she has an overwhelming sense of intimidation. Thus we have verbal and psychological abuse.  The intimidation usually stems from the employee doing their job well, being well liked and having a charisma that the boss or supervisor does not possess. 

That is why many times these adult bullies are awarded as the article below states.  But let me say that there is no question that child or teen bullying comes from the home.  It is a learned behavior.  It is a behavior that is not created in the mind of the child.  And children who bully come in all shapes and sizes, and they type of families these kids come from do not discriminate.   Take a look at this article:

Courtesy of the Otawa Citizen
"Bullies, as adults, are often rewarded.
Don Cherry. Rob Ford. Stephen Harper, apparently. Conrad Black, maybe. Charlotte Whitton, our greatest mayor, our biggest bully? Maybe your boss. The loudmouth down the street. That jackass who just cut you off on the Queensway.

Little wonder teenagers engage in it. On some level, it works for them. It gains advantage. Lest we forget, it was an elected MP, a supposed community leader, who shouted "Ask your boyfriend" to a male cabinet minister across the floor of the House of Commons.
What pathetic examples we set.
The suicide of Jamie Hubley, only 15, is the story you never want to read. And the role that school-based bullying played in his demise, however difficult to measure, is disturbing.
Parents don't just send their kids to school - they "entrust" them to a group of publicly-paid adults. They don't expect their children to come home as damaged goods.
But, likely, we are operating under a false sense of security. Experience tells us that school boards can forbid bullying, and they have, they just can't stop it from happening, especially outside the classroom.
Think of the students in Jamie's school.
They belong to a generation of kids who have been warned about the evils of bullying since they walked into kindergarten. This is now 10 or 11 years of hearing the same message.
Is any of this anti-bullying programming really working? If not, what else should we be doing?
The statistics from the school boards on bullying trends are either non-existent or flat-out worrisome.
The Ottawa Catholic School Board, which is not the board Jamie was attending, has undertaken broad surveys of its students to "baseline" the extent of the problem. In the spring, it released the results of a survey of some 5,643 elementary students. (High school results are expected soon.)
In Grades 4, 5 and 6, 12.5 per cent of students (one in eight) reported being physically bullied at least once per week. Verbal bullying was even higher, at 16.3 per cent, figures the board is not satisfied with.
On the positive side, 87 per cent of students said they would tell their parents if bullying occurred and 94 per cent of parents believe their children are in a physically safe environment at school.
Catholic board superintendent Tom D'Amico was asked if established anti-bullying efforts are working.
"Good question," he responded Tuesday.
Before the surveys started (due to be repeated every two years), there was no reliable way to determine trends in bullying, he said.
"No, it would not be data-informed. It would be anecdotal evidence based on observations and conversations."
The new information will be detailed enough that principals will know where bullying is occurring - in the cafeteria, off-site, in the gym - and take corrective action, he said.
The message from the director of education at the Ottawa public board, where Jamie was a student, was sympathetic but defensive.
"The truth is that bullying happens - it happens in schools, it happens in workplaces and it happens in homes. At the OCDSB, we are committed to addressing bullying," read a prepared statement by Jennifer Adams.
This is short of reassuring. It could have been written a month ago. The state is "committed" to all kinds of things, like world peace and an end to child poverty, goals never to be achieved.
The "truth" is, a student is now dead. Will anything change?
We should face it. If the stats are accurate, hundreds of local students are being bullied at school every day. There are suicides that will go unmentioned in newspapers. If your child is suffering, or God forbid, has died, it is never good enough for the board to respond "Well, we're trying."
What a difficult story this is.
Jamie was, after all, being treated by professionals for his depression.
(What of their role, by the way?) He came from a good family. He had the support of some teachers to start a Rainbow Club at school. He seemed to have a lot of friends. He excelled at things. And yet it happened.
Adams makes the point that an end to bullying is a "collective responsibility," with heavy parental involvement. This is true, if, this week, not very satisfying.
Is it possible we're just not going about this the right way? Maybe we don't need more of the same.
Maybe we need something entirely different in terms of building better behaviour.

To contact Kelly Egan, please call 613-726-5896, or email kegan@

No comments:

Post a Comment